I have been watching the news with a combination of many things for the past week and half -  since the day I walked in from work, not having listened to any news because I was talking on my cell phone, to the greeting from my son (“Mom, Michael Jackson is dead”) – a combination of disbelief, sadness, not so much disbelief, to the what-ifs and whys.

I have had a love-hate relationship with Michael Jackson my whole life.  In the 70’s, during daycare years into elementary school years, I adored the Jackson 5.  Who couldn’t love ABC or I’ll Be There?  The Jackson 5, along with groups of the time who sang similar songs (The Osmonds, The DeFranco Family, The Sylvers – don’t argue, the songs were similar.  I heard the Jackson 5 turned down One Bad Apple) provided us with feel good, easy to sing with and easy to dance to songs and music.

Into the 80’s, I remember really liking the song Off the Wall when it came out.  Not so much the rest of the songs from Off the Wall at that time.  Then a few years later, while I was in junior high, Thriller came out.

Well…remember, at this time, it wasn’t just about Michael Jackson.  The hair bands were starting to become popular.  I was determined that I was a “hair band” girl and we didn’t like dance music anymore!  So Beat It was pretty much all I could tolerate then (permissible since Eddie Van Halen played guitar); however, I did get swept up in the Thriller video.  And the dancing.  So, while to everyone at school I was one of the “hair band” girls, at home…I was a closet watcher of Michael Jackson videos with the wonderful choreography.

Some songs, I just didn’t like – mostly the ballads (She’s Out of My Life, You Are Not Alone) but also a few others (Remember the Time, Leave Me Alone, The Girl Is Mine).  But so many good songs, fun songs, catchy songs – Smooth Criminal, Dirty Diana – remember State of Shock that the Jacksons did with Mick Jagger?  I don’t care what you say, that’s a good song.  Scream with Janet.  Can You Feel It when the Jackson 5 had grown up and were The Jacksons.   I Just Can’t Stop Loving You.

I feel bad.  Michael Jackson didn’t have much of a childhood according to his accounts.  He gave up his childhood to entertain people like me – I wonder if he took comfort in (hopefully) knowing that he was a part of so many people’s childhood, including mine.  Part of my wonderful memories.

Watch Michael Jackson videos on Youtube.

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